As it really been two years? That long? Seems like you just joined the list

Weather is a lot of my gardening problem too. It’s either raining or so blessed hot I don’t last long out there. But I am determined—sweet potato bed is free of weeds, unfortunately the rabbits have freed it of three plants too. I’m hoping to put bush beans in that bed with them tonight. They are companion plants and hopefully I’ll get a good crop of each.

We won’t discuss the main garden, which is woefully under planted and overly weedy.

Dh and ds decided this was the week they were knocking the weed forest back to the woods. Only to discover the weed whacker needs a new fuel line, and the DR cutter is locked up. GRRRR. I am NOT weeding 5 acres around the house with a hoe or a scythe, they better get at least one of them running, and do so for free or at the very least cheap—either that or I may take in a friends goats for knocking the weeds back. They really don’t want to deal with goats right now.

Some where out in those tall weeds I have an African goose hen, Her, gone broody. I see her at the feed and water about twice a day, so I know Her (her name) is still alive, but you’d never know it from listening or looking for her. Serenity abandons Brat at least once a day to go on a walk-a-bout with her five yearlings, while daddy, Frodo gosling sits. Only she’s not quiet about it and neither is Brat. She also panics if she is out and decidea you are headed toward Brat. (aka: Goose McNugget according to dh—no we’d never eat him, but Brat doesn’t know that). Last night the full grown Toulouse goose, Serenity (about 15 pounds) CLIMBED a five foot high welded wire fence to go over the top of it and get to Brat because she thought dh was going to pick him up! Strangest thing I’ve ever seen with our geese. Muscovy Ducks I’m use to seeing climb, but never a full grown large goose.

We are starting to get pretty frustrated around here without the proper repair/rebuild funds, but keep telling ourselves “only six more months and our income will increase”. In the meantime the farm equipment keeps breaking down and the decks around the house are getting in very sad shape. The garage needs a new roof and double garage door. The list goes on and on and we just keep taking it one day at a time.

I have to admit I get frustrated too sometimes

Last night was a perfect example. We’re working the budget and we’re paying the debt and we’re “on the plan”, so to speak. But we still haven’t nailed down all the “incidentals” that creep in; can’t even really call them DJ moments because some part of me tells me I should have been able to see it coming, and allowed for it. We still fight about money sometimes ,and how best to spend what we have coming in. We’re so tight on the budget right now that even some of the sinking funds seem an extravagance, although we have them set up for a few absolute gotta-do’s. So when things do come onto the radar that the budget doesn’t allow for, I know I can’t just go charge it and make it better and then pay “later”. And in that moment, I hate it.

My only consolation is that we’re digging out, and that feels better every single month that goes by. I’m coming up on the 2nd yearly anniversary of not having used my credit card, and that feels awesome. So I suck it up another few days before more money comes in, ration that money out ever so carefully again, and try to do a little better job at budgeting. Sometimes when it gets really bad I go look at our snowball payments. They are getting incrementally smaller but they are getting smaller. And the various folks who have posted about finally being debt free, well, those keep me really motivated. Some part of my brain still can’t quite conceive that I’ll ever really be there. So the recent discussion about what we’ll buy with that first bit of extra money, seemed a very abstract “never really gonna happen” conversation for me. But I just keep telling myself it really will happen. And even though I get down sometimes about how we should have been so much further ahead by now than we are, hey, at least it didn’t take another 10 years before we got started. Instead of hoping all my debts are paid off by my 50th birthday, I could have lived in denial for another 10 years and been hoping to be out of debt by the time I was 60. When I start thinking in those terms, I’m just glad I got started when I did.

So hang in there Eldred. This time last year you were convinced you’d never be employed again. Six months ago, give or take, you reached a point where you couldn’t make the payment on your house. And now here you are, employed again and making the payments on the house again and feeling frustrated but you’re a heckuva lot better off than you were at either of those recent times. Maybe give yourself a day to think of all the things you’re pleased about and grateful for and happy for? That resets my inner frustration level too. If nothing else, trust that you’re amongst folks who understand and who admire you for how far you’ve come. Even if some times you can’t see it.

Any chance any of those Pollyanna pills still available? We’re actually having a rather miserable day here, weather-wise, and I was having lots of “can’t see the progress” feelings myself as recently as last night. Still feel some of those echoes this morning.

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